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Pick the app first · Non-explicit · Adults 18+

Connections · London · Still working it out

My partner has done this fifteen years. I am finding out what I want

Posted as she_has_done_this_for_years on 7 September 2026

Wantspeople who have been the newer half of something like this
ExperienceNone of my own. Two years of watching somebody else's.
Aroundthe commuter belt, London

My partner has been doing this for fifteen years and I have known about it for two. She has been careful and kind and has not pushed once, and the strange result is that I have no idea what I want, because nothing has ever been asked of me. She is on the platform where everybody knows her. I am on nothing at all, which is why I am here rather than there.

Thirty four, in the belt, and my entire experience is second hand. I have read what she reads, met a few of her friends, and had a great many long conversations at the kitchen table.

What I am trying to work out is whether I want any of this for myself, or whether I am interested because she is. Those are genuinely different things and I have watched at least one couple we know come apart from never separating them.

So I would like to talk to people who arrived at this the same way round, especially anybody who concluded it was not for them and said so.

Not looking for a dynamic today. Not looking for anybody who wants to be the one who unlocks me, a phrase I have now heard twice and disliked on both occasions. And not looking to do anything without her knowing, because she reads this board as well and she read this advert before I posted it.

Where a post like this belongs

Nothing here has to be decided first. The mistake is starting on the most kink-native platform you can find, where an undecided profile has the least to hold on to.

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