Eleven years of this and every hour has been in a chat window. Two long distance dynamics that were entirely serious, one of them nearly three years, with somebody I never once stood next to. I was good at it. I was also, if I am honest with myself, choosing the sort of platform that made never turning up look like a preference rather than a decision.
Thirty four, south east, switch. The written kind suited me perfectly and that was precisely the trouble. It is possible to build an entire practice there that never touches the city you actually live in.
So the change I am making is not about what I want, it is about where. I would like to meet somebody who lives near enough to see regularly, starting with an hour somewhere ordinary in daylight with nothing attached. If it is not right I will say so rather than fading out, which is more than the last two people managed with me.
I lead more often than not and I have a real interest in the other direction with somebody I trust.
Not looking to keep this on a screen, having thoroughly done that. Not looking to be tested on obedience before we have met. And not looking for anybody who thinks eleven years of writing counts for nothing, because it counts for a great deal. Just not for the part I have never done.