The platform I have used for nine years has no private mode worth the name. Not technically, but socially. Who I talk to is visible, who I have stopped talking to gets noticed, and anything that ends badly becomes a small piece of public information inside a week. That is the bargain with the community model and I accepted it a long time ago. It does turn ordinary dating into a spectator sport.
Forty three, Brooklyn, dominant, nine years there and five somewhere else before that.
So I am writing here, where nobody is watching, and where a person can decide about me without simultaneously deciding what forty other people will think of the decision. I am not concealing anything. Anybody I meet is welcome to go and read the whole of my history over there, and I would prefer that they did.
What I want is an ongoing arrangement, weekly, structured, with expectations that apply on ordinary days. I am consistent, I am not dramatic, and I write things down.
Not looking for anybody who wants to be seen with me at things, because that pressure is exactly what I am stepping out of. Not looking for a secret either, which is the opposite error. And not looking for somebody whose real interest is in who I know.