I spent two years on the general products after my marriage ended, being perfectly pleasant to perfectly pleasant men, and never once found a way to say what I actually wanted. There is no word for it in that vocabulary. The nearest available phrase is old fashioned, which means something completely different and gets you a man who holds doors and expects to be noticed doing it.
Fifty four, Manhattan, still working it out, and my entire experience is two years of dinners with nice strangers.
The specialist platforms have the opposite trouble. They assume fluency. Everybody writes as though the vocabulary is settled and shared between all present, so arriving at fifty four with a strong feeling and no words for it makes you look like a tourist. I have been asked twice, both times gently, whether I was in the right place.
I think I am. What I want is to be answerable to somebody. Standards set by another person, ordinary obligations that hold on ordinary days, and being told plainly when something was not good enough. Whether there is a proper name for that I could not tell you.
Not looking for anybody who will hand me a glossary and ask me to choose from it. Not looking to be a second adolescence. And not looking for a man who is quietly interviewing wives, which is what two years of the general apps produced and is not what I am doing this time.