The people who actually organise things in this city are not on the dating platforms in any serious way. They are in a set of private threads you get added to by somebody who already knows you, and no amount of writing a good profile will open one. It took me two years to understand that the platform was never going to be the door.
Thirty five, east London, submissive, six years in. I am not bitter about it. It is a sensible way for people to look after themselves and I would do exactly the same in their position. But it does mean the public platforms hold the newest and the loneliest and very little of the middle, and everybody arrives assuming otherwise.
So what I am doing here is the honest version: writing something long, in public, hoping that one of the people already inside those threads reads it and decides I am worth mentioning to somebody. That is the actual mechanism in this city. I would rather say it than pretend I expect an algorithm to solve it.
What I want is an ongoing dynamic, service heavy, with somebody settled who is not looking for a fortnight. I am also entirely willing to be told I have this wrong, if you can tell me what I have missed.
Not looking to be introduced to a group before I have properly met one person in it. Not looking for anybody who wants me to prove I am serious by turning up somewhere alone. And not looking to be anyone's spare seat.