I made a profile on one of the general apps last autumn because it was the only kind I had heard of, and I put one carefully worded sentence in it that I believed the right person would understand. Nobody did. Then somebody kind told me there were whole places built for this, so I went and looked, and I have been reading them for four months without joining because I do not know what half the words mean.
Fifty eight, out of a marriage of thirty years that ended for reasons entirely unconnected to any of this. Two grown children who are fine and know nothing about it. I live in the belt, I work three days a week, and I have known this about myself since my twenties without once saying it aloud to another person.
Here is what I have understood so far. The general apps contain everybody and give you no way to say what you mean. The specialist ones have the language and a great many people who have been fluent in it for a decade. Neither is built for somebody starting at my age, and I would rather admit that than perform a confidence I do not have.
What I want is somebody patient and fairly ordinary, who will explain what is happening and why, and who is not disappointed that I have arrived unformed. Not looking for anybody who finds my age novel and says so. Not looking to be a project. And not willing to be hurried, by anyone, on any platform.